Setting Apart Family Time Through Traditions And Rhythms: Being About The People Christmas Part 2

Join us on the journey back to the first Christmas, where we saw in Episode 7, Savoring The Savior Christmas Part 1  that it was all about a baby that was worthy to be worshipped. In this episode we will see that it was also about a family, and not just any family, it could have been today’s dysfunctional family— an unwed teenager who finds out she is pregnant, a betrothed man, considering divorce, or adoption. 

 Mary and Joseph, all had great faith when they said YES to God’s plan. We, too can embrace our circumstances, and the people in our life and say YES to God by loving them right where they are this Christmas season.

Family relationships are precious, and the holidays are a great time to pour into creating a vibrant spiritual home, with blood family or those who are like family to you. We can do this through traditions, messy prayer, loud tables, and open doors. We share our experiences about the beautiful chaos of family dinners, the sweetness of opening our homes to others, and opportunities to develop deeper connections and meaningful conversations. Spending quality time with loved ones and being about the people with give you treasured and precious memories, not by doing more, but choosing less of the right things.

In case you are wondering,—“How can we simply incorporate the sights, sounds, and tastes of Christmas this year?” or “How might we connect with teens during these family activities?” Then you are at the right place. Together, let's shine the light and love of Jesus this Christmas.

Christmas Conversation Starters

SOCIAL MEDIA: @called_toshine Instagram.
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And always you can find resources to help you connect to the people around you at NBS2GO! (nbs2go.com)

— A ministry of NBS2GO: Neighbor Bible Studies to Go and Cru

Transcript

Jesslyn Adams: 0:02

Hello.

Pam McCune: 0:04

and Pam. Welcome to the community where we explore how Jesus is our light.

Jesslyn Adams: 0:09

And we are here to spur each other on to love God and others, right where we live. We are called to shine.

Pam McCune: 0:16

In part one we shared about making your Christmas meaningful and memorable by focusing on savoring the Savior, we decided to go back to the first Christmas and see what we can glean from the original Christmas, to find how we can make it memorable, meaningful and simple. We came down to three things that it centered around. First it centered around a family, and then we found out that it centered around a message the Messiah is coming. The third thing that we found is that first Christmas it centered around a baby that was worthy to be worshiped.

Jesslyn Adams: 0:51

It was because of who he was that we could stop and savor the Savior, from doing an Advent Bible study to following our Instagram called the Shine account and finding where you can marinate on 25 days of prophecies of Jesus, or even setting up an activity set where you and your family can spend time adoring the Savior of the world.

Pam McCune: 1:09

When we went back to the first Christmas, it was fascinating that it centered all around a family, and it's not just any family. It could be today's dysfunctional family. Here's Mary, who scholars think she was a teenager, probably around the age of 14, and she was betrothed to Joseph. She was planning her wedding and she was dreaming what her colors be brown or what they be brown. And she is so excited when she is visited by an angel. Gabriel came to meet her.

Pam McCune: 1:43

In the 6 month of Elizabeth's pregnancy, god sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. The angel went to her and said Greetings, you, who are highly favored. The Lord is with you. Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. Ok, this is the first sign that there is something different about Mary. She wasn't worried about seeing the angel. Have you noticed that everyone is worried? If don't be afraid about seeing an angel, not Mary. No, she is troubled with his words and thought. I'm not highly favored. Most teenagers already think they are highly favored, while Mary was different. But the angel said to her Do not be afraid, mary, you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you were to call him Jesus. This was the first free sonogram. He will be great and will be called the son of the most high. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father, david, and he will reign over Jacob's descendants forever. His kingdom will never end. This is a lot of details for any kind of man.

Pam McCune: 3:01

Angel Gabriel knew a lot of information, but Mary had one question. She wanted to know how will this be? Since I am a virgin, she wondered if Gabe got out much and if he understood about the birds and the bees. Well, gabe totally knew what was going on. The Holy Spirit will come on you and the power of the most high will overshadow you. So the Holy One to be born will be called the son of God. And then he digressed a little when he said Even Elizabeth, your relative is going to have a child.

Pam McCune: 3:34

In her old age, gabe did not have southern manners. We don't call anyone old, no matter what. And then he says and she, who is said to be barren, is in her sixth month. Okay, can we change him from Gabe to Gossiping Gabe, oh my. But he totally understood. He summed it all up, for he said nothing is impossible with God. I think I would have some questions. Do you know what Mary's response was? I am the Lord servant. May it be to me as you have said. She said yes. I think I would have made a pro con list. Do I want to be the laughing stock and the Scuttle Buck at the well? Mary said yes, lord, sign me up. If this is your plan for me, I want it.

Pam McCune: 4:25

But Mary wasn't the only one with great faith. Joseph was too. He was betrothed to Mary, it says in Matthew. This is how the birth of Jesus came about. His mother, mary, was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together she was found to be a child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph, her husband, was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. Yeah, joseph got stressed and he did what I do. He went and took a nap and here the angel came to him and said Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son. You are to call him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins. When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary home as his wife. Joseph took place to fulfill what the prophet had said. The virgin will be a child and give birth to a son, and they will call him Emmanuel, god with us. When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord commanded, but he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son and he gave him the name Jesus. I don't know how hard that was for Joseph If he considered that he would be the talk of the town, but it sounds like he woke up and went straight to obedience and he said yes to God, and he said yes to Mary and he said yes to baby Jesus Adoption. Joseph said yes, god, sign me up. That's great faith. Jesus did too. He left heaven to come to earth, to go through birth, to live, so he could actually die a painful death to pay the penalty for you and me, so that we could be in Relationship with God, to do for you and me what we couldn't do for ourselves.

Pam McCune: 6:22

Wherever we are in our own families, it can't be too much more different than Jesus's family. An unwed teenager who's pregnant, someone Contemplating divorce, adoption being considered? I don't know where you are. Maybe everything looks greener on the other side. You're single and you wish you were married. You're married and you sadly wish you were single. You wish you had children. You wish you didn't have children, or your children just left to college. You went them back. Or their teens and you're counting down the days to when they might go to college.

Pam McCune: 6:52

You and me, we can say yes to God by loving the people that he's put in our life right now. Now I know some of you are saying of course we love the people, I know you love them. We just don't always like them. We want to like them and be gracious to them when they get their acts together and obey or do the right thing. But what if this season, we embrace them and we love them right where they are, even before they have their acts together? How about we just say, yes, I love you, I want to celebrate with you and I want to embrace where we are right now. Let's be like Mary and Joseph and make it a yes season and surround the people in our lives and love them.

Pam McCune: 7:32

For some of you that are single, you're thinking, hmm, how do I do that? Well, who are the people that are as if family that you do life with, or maybe it's Extended family that you don't get to spend much time with, that you can make a way to be with them in person or from afar, but be knit heart to heart. You can graft other people in and make them a part of your family. Maybe you are in an empty nest, so maybe there's someone that's single or that's widow that you can graft into your family to spend time with. This season, family matters and God had Jesus come through a family, an ordinary, typical family that didn't have all the answers, but they knew that nothing is Impossible with God and the fact that Mary and Joseph said yes, lord, you will be done.

Jesslyn Adams: 8:19

That's incredible. Accepting the circumstances in your right family through the holidays it can evoke a lot of emotions. You can be super excited to spend time with family and do a few different celebrations, Go to different people's houses. Some of y'all have just experienced loss and so there's a lack of somebody there and you're grieving that, and so it can be tricky, it can be messy, but I love.

Jesslyn Adams: 8:40

Last Sunday our pastor taught on this very importance of gathering together as a family and how to seize these moments. He said that family matters to God. It is a refuge in a crazy world and an example to others, and when I think about we're called to be a light and reflect him to others. What a unique opportunity, as we gather for the holidays, to be a light to our family, for those that might be hard to love, for those that may be jab at us and our nerves. And then sometimes there are people that are easy to love, or there's our kids that are saying when's the next gift? I want the next? He said that the Barnard research group came up with a study.

Jesslyn Adams: 9:14

Three things were essential for a Vibrant spiritual home one messy prayer. It can be at dinner time, it can be oh my goodness, I'm about to lose my mind my son Benji. Hey, let's just pray that we can be kind to be grateful for this gift that we have. Or say I raise my voice at my child while we're making the Christmas meal, which has happened, and I say, hey, benji, I raised my voice at you. I am so sorry. Hey, you're having trouble obeying me right away. Let's ask Jesus for help for both of us. Jesus, I'm sorry for yelling at my son. Thank you for forgiving us. And then I asked Benji, I go hey, would you ask Jesus to help you to obey right away with a happy heart. He grumbles a little bit, but then he does it and it's the cutest thing. It's not pretty, it's not a bow, it's just messy. But we're trying to invite God into the everyday things of life, not just starting a meal or ending the night, all throughout the day inviting him in. And okay, jesus, help me to be patient.

Pam McCune: 10:08

It could be a multitude of things you alluded to, not just the meal or the end of the night, because I think Sometimes people put the perfect prayers together that sound aww written out. One girl told me that I was a gold medal prayer. Wait, I don't want to be a gold medal prayer. I ramble when I pray and I say, god, I don't like this. Could you change it? I like to be real and authentic, and that's what it sounds like you're describing is Throughout the day, not just putting the gold medal perfect prayer together, but the desire of your heart, in the hard things, calling out to God throughout the day, of just Acknowledging where I'm falling short with the Lord and saying, oh, I just heard that grumbling. God, I think I need your help change my attitude.

Jesslyn Adams: 10:49

So messy prayer. Loud tables is number two. We know that table discussion to be crazy people interrupting loud voices, spilled drinks, all things but when you gather together, there's something intimate about gathering over a meal and there's a deeper connection being able to talk about different things does that describe your family?

Pam McCune: 11:07

Are y'all loud at the table?

Jesslyn Adams: 11:08

Yes, even when we're just trying to bless the meal I mean, we do it every meal and I love my boys but inevitably one is already eating their meal. One is kind of making a noise or making a silly face and the before you know it. Sometimes we're talking over the prayer and I'm like, okay, we just got to make this prayer short and get to it and then we start trying to ask about each other's day, what went on?

Jesslyn Adams: 11:30

we're talking over one another. It's just chaotic. And then my boys are like hey, can I get up? I'm all done. I'm like. No, we're not done. You know, we're still eating. You know like, but I'm on to dessert, you're on to dessert. I think I just need to start serving dessert at the same time as the meal and I think my kids will linger a lot longer. It's just kind of loud and chaotic. There's something special about saying let's sit at the table and let's have a discussion, any kind of conversation.

Pam McCune: 11:53

I think you just described family, even if they're not blood family. We want those table time to be real, Everybody involved together. So you described a well allowed table. I have a series that I enjoy watching called Heartland, Canada Horses. You didn't tell me that I'm like obsessed. I love Heartland. I was watching on YouTube a behind the scenes that they invited us to their table. It's all sharing about their relationships together and they were talking about that's. A big part of the show is each scene of coming to the table and eating together and why it has actually resonated of us drawn into wanting to be invited to the table with this family. And they're real, they're loud and they usually have some kind of crazy discussion and disagreement and disagreement.

Pam McCune: 12:42

Somebody goes to the kitchen really just to get away. I love how they described it as it being a big part of the family. I like to tell people if it makes you happy to make a mess in the kitchen, yes, sit down at the table and make a mess in the kitchen too. If you have the finances to go through the drive-thru and bring it and put it down at the table, it's just as important. The bottom line is sitting at the table either way that we're sitting, and even though somebody finished quick and wants to go be on their game or their show or make a phone call, no, this is family time. You're going to sit five more minutes and we're going to be together, my family. We had a lot of words. We didn't have many ears that were available because we all talked at the same time. We started a tradition. A lot of people do conversation starters table talk For us. We did it because I needed to teach them that when one person's talking, the others need to listen or ask questions about that topic, not keep changing the topic. We set it as a time to come together.

Pam McCune: 13:42

Now I like tears at the dinner table. It helps season the food, in case the food wasn't really seasoned right. I would ask them what was the hardest thing of their day. My good friend confronted me and said my kids were tired of crying at the dinner table. I needed to ask them fun questions. Yes. So we put together 100 questions, having that jar by the table and putting questions in there. You buy them or you make them yourself and everybody draws out one question.

Pam McCune: 14:07

Whoever visits your table in the month of December, you're all going to maybe ask a question of your favorite memory from Christmas's past, or maybe it's your favorite food. They don't have to be deep, they can be fun. You all have a chance to talk Now. My father-in-law, before he passed away, was really a shy man and if there are a lot of people at the table he wasn't going to talk over. The question is good because it gave everybody a chance to talk and everybody a chance to listen. And if you do go to extended family during the season, you're thinking, oh, I can't talk to Uncle Bob, he still owes me money. There's tension. These questions will break the tension. You're all talking and somehow bringing up past memories and favorite traditions is a good common place to come together with people that they're awkwardness, so I love the loud table.

Jesslyn Adams: 14:54

And then the third thing is open doors. I love what you said. Who can you invite in to celebrate the holidays, with the season? He just encouraged us. Whether you had the gift of hospitality or not, god calls us to be able to invite people into our home or into some segment of our lives. You're going to go to a restaurant. We've met people there that had a playground. We invited them in to kind of be a part of our family and see the ups and downs, and that. We don't ever act together. We're imperfect, but we want to be a place where people feel known and cared for, even statistically.

Jesslyn Adams: 15:27

I've heard that the US we're kind of hard on opening our doors Other cultures, people are invited over to a meal Way more than we are in America, and over the holidays is a great opportunity for those that don't have family close by or family gone. What a great way to invite people in. Even though it's messy, chaos, it's beautiful. People see the love of Jesus when we do that, when we say come in, see my unswept floors, come, enjoy whatever it is. And I love your idea too of the conversation cards. Chick-fil-a over the past couple of years has given some away in their kid meals. I've even asked sometimes can you just let me buy it from you, because it's grown adult questions too, and our kids love it and our conversation goes a lot of different directions and it allows people from all different backgrounds and dynamics to relate and be a part of the conversation.

Pam McCune: 16:13

Where do you fit on the gift of hospitality? Hospitality and entertaining are different things, but where do you fit into wanting to have people over?

Jesslyn Adams: 16:22

and enjoying it, for us to host and to be able to enjoy it and not be drained. We operate on paper, no matter what. We had Thanksgiving last year at my house and I said, okay, we'll get the fancy paper or the fancy plastic, but I don't want to do extra dishes that can't relax when they're stacking up in the sink and be engaged in conversation. And so, for me, I love to have games going on to help fill the conversation. Kids love it, we love it. I want to be present. My best, yes, is actually engaging in conversation, and my husband's actually really great. I'm more of the person that's connecting and he says, hey, you continue in conversation and I'll start doing the dishes. And this is the perfect sweet spot because he can kind of go recharge and do the dishes and not engage, and I can continually talk with people. We sometimes cook for people and if it's a busy season, we're ordering in. We put that in the budget. That helps us to say yes to hospitality.

Pam McCune: 17:11

It seems really important to know what fuels you, what drains you, so you can work together probably expectations, but also so you're not surprised afterwards to say I'm so depleted. I was listening to someone that is really good at entertaining and she said, truthfully, entertaining is about being all about the people. If it helps you be all about the people to have paper plates, then that's the best entertaining to do, so you have the energy to ask them. Questions is to bring food in, then that's important. If your love language is serving up the best meal on the most beautiful fine china, then work out of your giftings.

Pam McCune: 17:49

But it's good to know we're all different. She said that they were invited over by people that had forgotten they were coming. They threw something together, but they were so busy they didn't ask them one question. It would have been so much better to call and cancel and say let's reschedule when we can actually be present. Yes, beautiful meals are incredible to enjoy, but some of us might just enjoy a cup of soup with good conversation. How can we set ourselves up to be about the people this Christmas season? Hopefully we really will have people in. Hopefully we're not so drained to have the perfect house, and that's a big part of it, jocelyn. The most important thing is a certain mindset and where our heart is. What would you say is?

Jesslyn Adams: 18:31

important, you know. I think it starts from what we talked about before savoring the Savior. When I spend time with Christ and say I have some anxieties before I get together for a family gathering or go to a party and I'm stressed or forgot something I was supposed to bring, I just pray that messy prayer and ask God to come in. And I love Ephesians 4-2. It just helps me understand where Christ needs to be in my life and how I need to come into this gathering or this event. And it says always be humble and gentle, be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults. Wow, being humble and gentle, patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults. I know I have faults. I know all of us are going to have faults. We are broken people. Coming in with a posture of humility changes the dynamic of the room and allows Christ to work. The idea of messy prayer, loud tables and open doors create a vibrant spiritual home.

Pam McCune: 19:28

You can sense that in other people If they're humble enough to be all about us when we walk in. That's incredible as we think about setting apart this family time of whoever's in your life. Okay, I'm going to invite people in, I'm going to have some messy prayer, some maybe table talk loud tables and I'm going to open my door. Do some of your family traditions. Don't feel like you have to change them all for other people. People love to be invited in to your traditions. So, as you think through this year, what tradition do I want to focus on? Please don't keep adding traditions till you get to 25. Some of them you need to put them on pause for this season to think what do I have the capacity to handle? And then those are the traditions to try to do. Jesslyn, did you have traditions growing up?

Jesslyn Adams: 20:14

We typically went and drove around and looked at Christmas lights, love to do that and we started doing that with our kids. But we add some Christmas music in the background, maybe a little hot cocoa with a lid in the car, and they love it. And since we've moved to San Marcos, texas, they have a special holiday carnival that comes right around at Christmas. It's called Sights and Sounds. In local choirs and bands perform nightly Christmas music. There's carnival rides and games and, my favorite, a live nativity set that they put a lot of work in with live donkeys and shepherds, all amidst a wonderful walk through light displays. It lights up the town and it gets us in the holiday spirit.

Pam McCune: 20:51

How brilliant is that? For somebody else to do all the work, that is maybe the wisest thing. Let somebody else do the decorating, the magical, and you just get to go experience it as a family, and maybe that's a fun time to invite somebody else to come experience it as well. If you're overwhelmed with putting together the perfect Christmas tree, go to events like this or to stores that do big, elaborate displays and just go ahead and go when you're in your good clothes and they have somebody. Come and take a picture and do your family picture in front of other people's trees. It will save your sanity, for you not having to put all the pressure on yourself.

Pam McCune: 21:28

If you love putting together a Christmas tree, I think that's wonderful. If you have the perfect tree, the perfect tree should be in your room because you put it together. If you have a family Christmas tree, that gets to be in the family room. I've seen you. I know you people that let your kids decorate and as soon as they go to bed you redecorate it. You moved all those ornaments around because they needed to be in the right place. I understand beauty I really do but if you are complaining that your family doesn't want to be a part of the decorating. It could be, because you're not letting them own it. Everybody should have a tree that you let them be a part of and, jesslyn, you know what that's like when they're toddlers. What does that tree look like? It is heavy with all the ornaments on the bottom, because that's as far as they can reach. Yes, it is a challenge tree and that is that season. Take a picture of that season, because you might not get that season back and you want to enjoy the moment. That's the simplicity of the season is enjoying each moment and knowing it's different for each year. You'll see who will be with you, who is here, who is not, and learning to accept it and finding the delights along the way. Here's a hint If you say it's time to decorate for Christmas and you're going to bring the 40 boxes out of the attic and your family schedules elective surgery, you may have gone over the edge. They may be afraid of you. In that situation, I would say less is more. Don't stress your family out by your expectations. If you can make an environment that is sweet, so it's.

Pam McCune: 23:00

The sights of Christmas. Play some music of the sounds of Christmas. Sure, if you have a Victrola, put it on. If you just click Spotify and you do a playlist, that is perfect. You can also add some bells to your doors. You know those bells that are half round circle. That just goes over a doorknob and five bells hanging from them. Dollar Tree sells them and you can put those on the door. So if you forget to ever push play, the sounds of Christmas will always be there for every time someone goes in or out during the season. It's also helpful to know who's coming in. As you're wrapping gifts, put them on your own room doorknob, or if the teen came in late, it's a helpful tool to know Mmm, they might have broken curfew today.

Pam McCune: 23:42

Do some of the smells? If you want to bake, yes, but if you just have a candle that has your favorite smell, light it up. These will all trigger the emotions and the senses and then add some of those taste as well. Be it you get it at the bakery or be it you make a mess in the kitchen. If you don't want to make a mess in the kitchen, feel free to buy it at the bakery and put it in your plate and go ahead and drizzle some chocolate on top so it looks like you do not have to tell people where you got it, don't lie. But when they ask you for the recipe, you just say no, you don't want to share. Make it fun, make it matter, but make it fit into what you can do.

Pam McCune: 24:19

The Bethlehem Star have you heard of this one? You go out Christmas Eve or anytime the week of Christmas and you see which star comes out first. Or maybe you notice the brightest star and you use it as a moment to talk about the Bethlehem Star, the guide and the wise men all the way to Jesus. Here's the principle that we say when it comes to teens and inviting them into the family to do things. We say low expectations, high satisfaction. You need to expect less. I'm saying hold them to boundaries and hold them to good things, but don't expect that they're going to come bouncing in eagerly saying we're decorating the tree tonight. They may say, huh, we're doing that again. And you say, yes, I'm so excited, we're doing that again.

Pam McCune: 25:06

Whatever your tradition is decorating the tree, favorite Christmas movie that you watch you lay it out with eagerness and then let them catch up as you jump into it. They may not come running excited, but usually by the middle of it. They're glad to be with, they're glad to know they have a family or to be invited into a family that has traditions. My friend's tradition is to watch the Wizard of Oz. But they don't just watch the Wizard of Oz at Christmas, they dress in all the parts. Everybody gets to pick one character and they come dressed as that part and then when they're saying those lines, that character has to say those lines. And for her there was just something about a teen coming as a scarecrow saying if I only had a brain. Whatever your tradition is, embrace it, be it that yours is different than anybody else's. You picked your movie, you enjoy it and you go with it.

Jesslyn Adams: 25:58

So here are three principles to aim at for the season with kids Be present more than productive, invest more time than money, and the best memories don't have to be expensive but intentional.

Pam McCune: 26:11

Hopefully one of these ideas can fit into what your family looks like, or you can adapt it. Set apart family time, make it fun, make it delightful, make it simple, meaningful and memorable. A little boy was waiting for his dad to come home from work and he'd been watching out the door moment by moment and finally, when his dad arrived, he ran up to his dad and he said Daddy, how much money do you make an hour? Surprised, and giving his son that look, the father said son, don't bother me right now, I'm tired. But, daddy, please tell me, please tell me, dad, dad, dad, how much do you make an hour? The father, finally, giving up, said $20 an hour. Okay, okay, daddy, okay, could you loan me $10? His father, positively frustrated and disturbed, snapped at him and said that's the reason you asked me how much I earn. You want to borrow money? Go to sleep and don't bother me anymore.

Pam McCune: 27:11

Well, later the father was thinking over his words and his tone and he was feeling pretty guilty, and so he went into his son's room and he said are you asleep, son? And the half asleep boy said no, daddy, why? Here's the money you asked for earlier. Thanks, daddy. He put his hand under his pillow and he removed some more money. Now I have enough. Now I have $20. Daddy, can I buy one hour of your time? Time is precious. Setting apart our family time means much to each and every one.

Jesslyn Adams: 27:48

We have so much more to explore together, so be sure to subscribe to our podcast, and if today has inspired or encouraged you, you can help others find us by taking a moment to give us a review on your favorite podcast streaming site.

Pam McCune: 28:00

And as our thanks for joining us here, we invite you to follow us on Instagram at called to shine. As part of our called to shine Instagram community, you will get encouragement and ideas to help you connect to the people around you.

Jesslyn Adams: 28:14

And, as always, you can find resources to help you shine the light of Jesus at mbs2gocom neighbor Bible studies to go. In our next episode we get to point people to Jesus this season.

Pam McCune: 28:26

We can do that in a myriad of ways of loving them where they're at and pointing them to God. Thanks for joining us today. We are called to shine.